Bubblehead
by S. Wilhelmina Feenster
Summary: Niles and Daphne see the broadway show, "Wicked"


Bubblehead

By: S. Wilhelmina Feenster

INT. KACL Radio Station – Day

Frasier sits in his booth. Roz enters.

Roz: Frasier.

Frasier: Is it time to go on the air?

Roz: No, you still have two minutes. I just need to ask you a favor.

Frasier: Sure, what is it?

Roz: I've got these tickets…

Frasier: The answer is no.

Roz: You don't even know what it's for.

Frasier: I'm not interested in your rock 'n roll concerts or another one of Alice's fundraisers.

Roz: It's not. It's for a broadway show.

Frasier: I don't car—

Roz: All expense paid.

Frasier: (perked interest) I'm listening.

Roz: I slept with this guy who has a friend who works for the ticket office. (smiles in a trance) God, he was incredible. He does this thing with his…

Frasier: STOP! I don't need to know this. What's the show?

Roz: Oh, my, God.

Frasier: For God sakes, what's the show?

Roz: We're on the air.

Frasier: I don't recall…

Roz: The radio, you idiot!

Frasier: Why the hell didn't you tell me?

Roz: (before going to her booth) I just did.

Roz runs inside her booth and shuts the door.

Frasier: Hello, Seattle. This is Dr. Frasier Crane…

Fades to:

INT. Frasier's Apartment – Day

Daphne enters carrying a large duffle bag. Martin exits the kitchen with a beer and a bologna and mayonnaise sandwich.

Daphne: (commanding tone) Drop it, old man.

Martin: It's just my lunch.

Daphne: And those are just your arteries you're clogging.

Martin: (puts down his lunch on the table) Are you happy?

Daphne: (annoyed) Time for your exercises.

Frasier enters. He slams his keys down on the table next to the door.

Daphne: Hello, Frasier.

Frasier: Daphne. (he crosses the room and hangs his coat up)

Daphne: How was your day? (asks regretfully)

Martin quickly grabs his sandwich and beer and runs into his room before Daphne can bring him back.

Daphne: Double exercises, you old sod!

Frasier: Daphne, have you ever been to a broadway show?

Daphne: I've seen some here in Seattle, why?

Frasier: Today, at the station, Roz forced these tickets on me. (hands them to Daphne)

Daphne: (face lights up) Oh, "Wicked"! How did she get these?

Frasier: Well, that's not important.

Daphne: Did she win them?

Frasier: In a matter of speaking. Would you be interested?

Daphne: Of course! (hugs Frasier) Thank you, Frasier! Wait until I tell Niles. Won't he be surprised?

Frasier: (sarcasm) Oh, he'll be surprised.

Scene Three

INT. Niles and Daphne's Apartment – Night

Niles arrives from a day of psychiatry. The lights are low and soft music plays in the background.

Niles: Daphne?

Daphne appears from a dark corner.

Daphne: Hello, darling.

Niles: Daphne, you…

Daphne comes into the light of the fireplace. She's wearing a black lacey negligee. Her hair is amiss, but to Niles, she is perfect.

Daphne: I've got a surprise for you.

Niles: Are we pregnant?

Daphne: No. (kisses him and hands him the theatre tickets) Here.

Niles: Ooh, you got tickets. (smiles happily; looks at them) "Wicked"?

Daphne: Yes. It's playing in New York City. You know I've always wanted to go there.

Niles: But, darling, it's…

Daphne: It's musical about the wicked witch of the west.

Niles: "The Wizard of Oz" witch?

Daphne: (hits Niles on the back of the head with the tickets) Yes, silly.

Niles: I don't know about going to see that show.

Daphne: Come on, Niles. You dragged me to the opera so many times this month, why can't you come see this show with me?

Niles: Well, I suppose.

Daphne: You won't regret it. I've heard the music.

Daphne takes Niles by the hand and leads him to their bedroom.

Niles: Are you going to be playing the music upstairs?

Daphne: (stops on the stairs) I had something more than music on my mind.

Niles: Ooh.

Niles and Daphne kiss.

Scene Four

EXT. New York City

INT. Gershwin Theatre – Night (After the show)

Daphne: Oh, Niles, that was a lovely performance.

Niles: Yes, it was. (looks flushed)

Daphne: Are you alright?

Niles: I'm fine.

Daphne: Let's go to the stage door and get their autographs.

Niles: Well…

Daphne: Come on. (drags Niles away)

EXT. Stage Door

Kristin Chenoweth (Galinda) and Idina Menzel (Elphaba) are standing around talking.

Kristin: Can you believe I went the whole show without messing up a line?

Idina: I know. It's like some sort of freakin' miracle.

Kristin: But, oh, my, God. I almost peed my pants on the stage. Seriously I had to go.

Idina: You hopped around during "Popular".

Kristin: I didn't have to go then. Are you saying I was bunny hopping during that song?

Idina: No. Oh never mind.

Kristin: I may be 4'11, but I'm not stupid - and don't "never mind" me.

Idina: (points to Niles and Daphne) Look. Fans.

Kristin: Hello.

Daphne: You were wonderful. I loved the show.

Kristin: Oh, my, God, you're british.

Daphne: Manchester.

Kristin: Oklahoma. (laughs)

Idina: Kristin, you're not funny.

Kristin: Shut up.

Daphne: (to Idina) Are you the wicked witch?

Idina: Not unless I miss my coffee in the morning.

Kristin: Elphie…Oh my God, did I just say "Elphie?"

Daphne: (laughs) This is my husband – Niles.

Kristin: So, how'd you like the show?

Niles: It was…(looks at Idina; voice cracks) must you stay that color?

Daphne: Niles, are you alright?

Niles: Daphne, I never told you this before but I have a phobia for…(high cry) The Wicked Witch. That's why I never watch "The Wizard of Oz."

Daphne: Oh, sweetie. She's not real.

Idina: Hey! I am so real.

Taye Diggs (Idina's husband): Hey baby, are you almost done?

Idina: Honey, am I real?

Taye: As real as they come.

Niles: I didn't mean it like that.

Taye: Are you saying my girl's not real?

Niles: No.

Taye: Are you calling her a liar?

Niles: Please, let me explain.

Daphne: This is all a misunderstanding. Niles is afraid of the witch.

Taye: My baby is not a witch.

Niles: Thank you, Daphne, um, can we go now?

Daphne: But I still need Idina's autograph.

Niles: I'm sure she'll mail it to you, along with a giant law suit if we don't leave here right now.

Daphne: Well, goodbye. Nice meeting you all.

Kristin: Nice to meet you, too.

Niles and Daphne walk away.

Daphne: They were nice people.

Niles: Yes, very nice. Let's hurry.

Niles and Daphne exit the threatre.

Scene Five (One Week Later)

INT. Niles and Daphne's Apartment

Daphne enters the apartment with the mail.

Daphne: Niles, we got something from Kristin and Idina!

Niles: Oh, let's not open it.

Daphne: Niles, there's nothing to worry about. (opens the letter) Oh, how nice.

Niles: What? Is it a death threat?

Daphne: Of course not. Idina Menzel sent an autographed picture and Kristin wrote us a letter, thanking us for teasing Idina and Taye.

Niles: We were teasing?

Daphne: Apparently. I told you they were nice people. (gasps) We've been invited back to see another show. Front row seats!

Niles: I think you should take Roz on this trip.

Daphne: Niles Crane, you're a psychiatrist, for heaven sakes. Are you going to let one little witch scare you?

Niles: I'm over that.

Daphne: Then what are you so afraid of?

Niles: That big man – Taye, what's his name.

Daphne: Taye Diggs – oh honey. (hugs him, kisses his head) He won't hurt you.

Niles: You didn't see my letter. I got it out of the mailbox before you came home.

Daphne: Let me see it.

Niles hands it to her. She reads it.

Daphne: Oh dear. (walks over to the phone) I'll call Roz and see if she'd like to go.

Niles slumps down on the couch, as we:

Fade out.

THE END 


End file.
